I know. I know. I know. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I will apologize to you and make it up to you until I hit the grave for the way I mistreated you because if that’s what I have to do then I will do it. We met in a difficult way, in a professional way, and I mistakenly put on a false façade to distance myself from you out of some odd sense of respect and in turn, yes, disrespected you horribly in the process. You have never met the real me.
I can be so good to you. So good for you. We would even argue so beautifully that we would only grow together stronger and stronger day by day because we sure as shit aren’t afraid to hurt one anothers’ feelings and speak the truth and give each other a piece of our minds when we need to. That’s already a good start to becoming a powerful driving constant. That’s teamwork. That’s passion. That’s trust and support right fucking here. Not to mention we also want the same things out of life. So don’t talk down to me and tell me what this is.
Yo. This is for real. This is so real. It is unconditional for me at this point. I mean you said it yourself and I’m just starting to come to terms with it myself. This is about growing up. Getting busy in the adult way. Getting serious.
Take this leap with me because no matter what we will land on our feet better people for having done so. We can learn so much about ourselves in one another. We have everything to gain. This isn’t about some problem that you think I have with myself and that I’m projecting onto you. I am not that petty. You know me better than that. I am proud of who I am and how I am, but I have done and been through and seen some shit too. You are not alone. I got honor but I ain’t no boy scout neither.
That is why I think we are so perfect for one another. You are like the Yin to my Yang. The Bonnie to my Clyde. The left to my right. We fit. I have been waiting my entire life to find a girl like you but I refused to realize it even when you were right there in front of me staring at me right in the face telling me so. Nor did I even know what the hell I was even looking for back then at the time. I’ve realized I was searching for you. I was waiting for you.
My parents had it pretty bad and are divorced so I became pretty cynical of commitment and emotional intimacy, celebrating philandering in common conversation, but not so much in practice, just as a social compromise, and in doing so unintentionally put women on a pedestal when I shouldn’t have. We are equal. I just never thought that a girl like you could like a guy like me or that a guy like me could like a girl like you.
Although for the record…Bunny…these are really only the musings of a guy who has never once in his life been struck by a bolt of lighting.
See you’re saying that basic bitches and tools will just have to do for now. Naw. You’re saying that I’m fucked up for having pure, genuine, sincere intentions and that me doing anything and everything that I can do to seek them through is absurdity. That the old fashioned way is archaic and that in this generation we just gotta fucking quarter love throughout our youth “cuz oh that’s just how we do now and we all pick from the pot.” Uh. Naw. You’re saying that you’re not worthy of this kind of care and affection and that you’re too damaged or that I’m too damaged or that our differences will get in the way or whatever the fuck else there is to even try. Naw.
See it ain’t about that for me anymore. I have already tried to rationalize it myself like, “this is infatuation, it will pass, and there are plenty of other fish in the sea.”, but I just fucking can’t anymore. Sometimes this shit doesn’t make any bit of fucking sense. It just feels right. This is right.
When we first met every time we touched it felt like fire in our veins or butterflies in our stomach. You know what it is because you know for a fact that I actually did not even like you at all at first. But unbeknownst to me the feelings were already there. I had this predisposition about you that kept on backfiring in my face every time I got to know you a little bit more. Self-preservation is a son of a fucking bitch but I know enough now to know for sure.
You were lighting bolt after lighting bolt after lightning bolt. It seems impossible. But it does happen. And it’s happened to me. I have been struck and there is no turning back.
All of this is not to say that having fun and being free is bullshit and that we’re just gonna end up going through the motions and growing old. Not a chance. I won’t let that happen. Our chemistry is volatile enough so that it will never get stale or stagnant, but also compatible enough to have the potential to become something glorious and beautiful.
Believe me. You’re the one for me. Let me be the one for you.
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